I have had it easier than most during lockdown.
Because:
I have never felt, truly felt as if I had a tribe---
entire life, that embrace of
"belonging"
of having a real place within a group,
of acceptance without
if's---
from early childhood I knew...
I learned how to pretend to feel,
I learned how to pretend to feel,
to act,
as if I have belonged to various groups.
Groups themselves demand this pretending.
In return
they have pretended that I did almost belong....
We all knew that it was pretend.
no matter what the superficial appearance may have been...
I was always waiting to be found out and cast out.
That one day the group would stare at me
and just know--?
since there are no demands on me to
join, enter, or be forced into a group.
Perhaps, it is simply that with a massive number
of years of living in the pretend mode,
I no longer care...?
Will 2020 end already and the weirdness abate--?
I am sure you are aware by now that
a state helicopter crew working in Utah discovered
a stainless steel monolith in the middle of
totally fucking nowhere..
To prove how "fucking middle of nowhere"
this is, the helicopter crew was conducting a
count of bighorn sheep which go nowhere near
even the slightest hint of civilization...
Even if some bizarre artist planted this thing there,
it would have been never found but for this
accidental overflight...?
This is so totally bizarre---?
The Marines are wanting in on the
Trumpian Space Force fiasco...
Yeah--that worked out so good for:
Privates Hudson, Vasquez, Drake, Frost, Spunkmeyer, Crowe, and Wierzbowski,
Corporals Dietrich and Ferro,
Sergeant Apone, and Lt. Gorman.
The memory of you already fades...
The vision of you already dims..
Soon you will be simply a bad dream
that slithers away into the night....
Somehow they were all shocked when we dragged them
out of their palaces in the past...???
River of Tears...
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