Don't read this. Seriously.

I am literally,

 drowning in 

a sea of chaos..

a sea of trash..

a sea of disorder...

I am suffocating over and over in chaos, 

never ending.

Trapped.

There is no order surrounding me any longer,

not in my home,

 especially not in my mind 

or anywhere in the surrounding world.

I have done nothing in my life 

but attempt to make order out of disorder.

It is my nature to be OCD like.

Without exterior organization,

without the personal world around me 

clean, organized, orderly,

I cannot think, my simply mind does not work.

Usually I retreat into attacking the disorder,

organizing, cleaning, fixing.

It gets so tiring doing that over and over and over

and over and over and over and over.

Only to have it all torn up, trashed,

ravaged immediately.

Then, it has been standard operating procedure,

for me to 

start the attempted repair process again and again

and again and again and again and again.

I have quite possibly reached my breaking point.

I attempted to write as usual here this week.

Write of ordinary things.

It would not come,

I just could not do it?

I cannot begin to untangle,

to find a clear spot or a clear point to

think/consider what I could/should do.

If I can just find a clear spot,

a clean spot to think.

To breath.